...and I'm NOT a Mormon!

I just read an excellent article by a non-Mormon which discussed the prejudice many Americans have against voting for a Mormon as their President. You can  click through to the article here:  On Faith...

Anyhow, his column and the flow of comments afterwards made me think of a brand new ad campaign for the Church.  I suspect by now most of you have seen the "...and I'm a Mormon" ad campaigns.  If you haven't seen them click through and take a gander at Mormon.org
In a nutshell, a member describes their job, their values etc. and then at the end declares "...and I'm a Mormon."  They are very well done, and successfully portray the wide variety of Latter-day Saints.

Right here's my new ad idea...

First, you round up a load of non-Mormons.  When I say "round up" I don't mean like a press gang with baseball bats or wild Relief Society sisters with those lethal British handbags.  See  Don't mess with grannies with handbags  .  No, I mean a polite invitation to friendly folk....okay let me start again...
First, you invite friendly non-Mormons to share their thoughts.

Then you film them sharing the reasons they like Mormons, and to clinch it all off, they finish with the line "...and I'm NOT a Mormon."    So taking quotes (edited) from the article and the comments you'd hear things like:

"Mormons love America, they urge good behavior on their members, and promote many traditional American values. If that bothers you, vote for somebody else--but Mormons will fight and die in the American forces for your right to do so.  ....and I'm NOT a Mormon."

"The Mormon church is a free market model for private charity. I have personally seen Mormons help families that were not members. The charity gave work-centered help that met needs without sacrificing dignity. The commendable community found in Mormonism should be imitated not attacked.....and I'm NOT a Mormon."

"Being right is powerful and most Mormons are right on many of today's big issues: the nature of family, the protection of life, defense of religious liberty, and republican values.  Traditional Christians should learn from their example and patriotic Americans should celebrate their effective service....and I'm NOT a Mormon."

I don't know if any non-Mormons would feel comfortable enough, or brave enough, or convinced enough to put their convictions into such an ad in our defense, but I like the idea anyway.

Oh, and just for the record, I AM a Mormon.

Valentine's Dance

Last night was the Junior School Valentine's Dance, and since they had two sessions with the infants boogeying from 6:30 and then the juniors partying from 7:30...it basically meant I spent the whole evening ferrying four of my urchins to and fro (in my next life I'm going to have all 6 kids at once).

As I sat watching all these wee 'uns strutting their stuff on the dance floor it was interesting for me to see typical dance traits emerging at such a young age. 

• The wallflower: not moving from this chair; here for the night thank you very much;
• The can't-dance-got-no-rthymn-but-I-don't-know-it
• The smoothies.  In time to the music, great moves etc.  Do they practise and practise at home?
• The trying-too-hard-to-copy-every-move-of-the-smoothies, but not quite getting it.
• The "I'm only here for the refreshments" (this is my kind of dance routine)
• The "I want my mummy" complete with tears.

As I watched I suddenly recalled how uncomfortable I feel dancing.  I just do not like going to dances. 

I can just about handle set dances such as barn dances where the moves are prescribed, but disco danching... BLEAH.    I'd rather shave my head with a cheese grater, lick a hedgehog or insert bannanas up my nose.  It just feels so daft.   I don't get it.  This is my typical dance experience:

The music is beating (far too loud by the way)  and I'm suppossed to jiggle my arms and legs around.  After a few minutes of doing the same movement back and forwards with my feet I sense a need to somehow change the motion so it appears I might know what I'm doing, so I start side stepping to the side, and my arms...what do I do with my arms...I've held them at right angles for ages, maybe I should hang them down to the side, maybe a slight click of the fingers in time to the music...nope that didn't work, I so hope nobody noticed me doing that...now my wife is smiling at me...that is not an 'I love you' look.. I know that look...it's the pity look.. she's thinking "you poor miserable soul, someone hand me a gun now, so I can put him out of his misery"....please end, please, please end this song....I so hope the next song is a slow one - I can handle slow songs with a jiggle back and forwards for a few minutes.  Oh the pain.  Oh the misery.  How I suffer.

I wasn't always this way.  I blame my mission.  I entered the mission field with music in my blood.   I could listen to the same small vinyl record over and over again.  I even had a trendy tape cassette player (a reasonably portable one), so I could listen to music on the go (you could actually get about 15 songs on one cassette - can you believe that?  15 whole songs that could travel with me (amazing this technology stuff).  And I wanted to dance.   I knew the words, sensed the beat, and could easily be sucked into another world.   As a teenager I loved the idea of going to dances.  I'd could feel the beat of the music in my blood, I actually had rythm (at least I think I did) and could dance the night away.  I'd leave dances sweating.

But, my mission sucked the moves right out of me.  As an RM my first dance back was a nightmare, and I have no desire to move to the beat anymore. 

So just a warning... on those rare occassions that you see me at a dance you are welcome to nod in my direction and think something like 'Oh, look at poor Peter.  Sitting like a wallflower, slowly drinking some strange lemonade conncoction, and a nice pile of goodies balanced on a floppy paper plate'  BUT, if thoughts like 'I'm going to go over there and invite him and Nicola onto the dance floor. He's just a bit shy and hesitant and his wife so wants to dance.  Yes...that is what I will do."   Well, think again.  Do not meddle in our sensitive marital dance relationships.  Even if my wife looks like she is bored out of her mind she is not really.  She is loving just sitting next to me watching the world go by nibbling on a Pringle and making shapes with her napkin.  It is the way it should be.  All sports need spectators and we were born to spectate.

My next fear.... in 3 years time my daughter is 14!!  Please, please, please....whoever is in charge of stake dances remember that I want to be there to support her, but you really, really, really need my help to serve refreshments, wash dishes, park cars, dust hmyn books, and check toilet paper levels.